Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
