its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
