at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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