I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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