His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
