He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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