well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
