You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
