I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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