By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
