bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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