you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
