He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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