I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
