Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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