What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My vagina is officially offended.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
