a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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