Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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