Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
