C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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