Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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