I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
