Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
