Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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