Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
