I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
