you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we're making bets on your personal life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
