I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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