My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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