I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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