Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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