i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
