I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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