sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
