Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
