Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
