he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
