Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this just has baby written all over it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
