My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
