I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
