my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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