i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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