how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
