He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
