you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
