the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
