Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
