He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
