The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
