I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
