Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm having to shit out rocks
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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